Near You Always Part 4

[mass_hipgnosis]

Near You Always -- the mysterious one, with dark eyes and careless hair --

Summary: Jensen is a hard person to get to know. Like a closed book. (Part 4 of 19)

Rating: *blows a raspberry* I hate doing these. This will be NC-17 at Chapter 10 (there are addictions to feed, and there are mouths to pay). Until then, it's...not.

Disclaimer: I have as much claim to the boys as everyone else in coastal BC. Which is...oh, let me think...none. Used without permission, no profit being made, blah blah disclaimery goodness.

Author's Notes: I am updating as fast as I can! And that may include a delay in answering comments sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't read them and love them, because I do! Every comment is like a little orgasm in my brain (okay, that was way less creepy in my head). And, um, yeah. My brain is stalled. I have so many updates for different series that are ALMOST finished, and I just need, like...chocolate. A new muse. A kick in the ass with an old boot. Something. But, anyway. I ran out of other people's fic to binge on, so here. Have some Domestic 'verse.

 

* * *

A week after Kenzie's party, Jared came back from a run with his furred demons to find Jen in the kitchen making breakfast. That in itself wasn't unusual; the big farmhouse kitchen was the center of the house, and possibly the known universe; but he was cooking.

Again, not a cause for alarm. Jensen didn't cook regularly-I'm not your mom, dude-but he was suprisingly good at it, and very at home in the kitchen when the mood struck him.

Jared sniffed deeply and saliva pooled in his mouth. Fresh baking things and caramel filled the room-Jare was suprised he didn't float through the air cartoon-style, eyes closed, following the tantalizing scent to its' source. He
opened his eyes to see his friend smirking at him, and so naturally Jared had to rag him back. "Aw, honey, you baked," he cooed.

Jen pointed a spatula at him. "You make with the mock, you don't get fed," he threatened.

"Dude. Like you could eat all of that," Jared countered. From the bulk of the ingredients, he'd made enough for an army-or a Padalecki.

"I'm sure Harley and Sadie would like breakfast."

Jared froze. "You wouldn't."

"I so would."

"Fair enough. No mocking the chef." He poured himself a cup of coffee and claimed a stool at the butcher-block island. "I'll just sit back and enjoy the show."

"Lazy bastard," Jen muttered, but since they were both well aware that Jared 'helping' would lead to disaster, he let it pass.

Jared could have left Jensen in peace, but it was kind of fun to watch him cook. He was barefoot and shirtless, hair all tousled and the top snap of his jeans still undone. There was a smear of flour on his chin, and he had a checked tea towel draped over one bare shoulder. He moved through the slanting bars of morning sunlight with unhurried grace, managing to do six things at once and make it look easy, as though getting multiple dishes on the table at the same time didn't require timing and choreography worthy of Broadway.

Jared knew better. His own experiences learning to cook under his mother's despairing tutelage as a teenager had given him a deep appreciation for anyone who could manage not to burn water-Jen was several leagues above that. Jared sometimes thought Jen might be a better cook than his momma, not that he'd ever admit it to either of them.

Humming under his breath, Jensen bumped a drawer closed with his hip and two-stepped across the hardwood, neatly evading the dogs. The humming became singing as he pulled a pan of muffins out of the oven. "Stagger Lee and Billy...two men who gamble late...Stagger Lee threw a seven, Billy swore that he threw eight..."

Jared leaned back, sipping his coffee, and just enjoyed the view. Jensen was gorgeous to begin with-Jensen cooking and singing was a cross between really fucking cute and really fucking hot. The occasional spike of lust had disturbed him at first-more than a year into their friendship, it didn't bother him anymore. He wasn't quite as straight as he'd led his girlfriend and the general public to believe, and that was okay. Sometimes he felt random flashes of
attraction for his ruler-straight best friend, and after a bit of soul-searching, he'd decided that was okay too. As long as he didn't act on it and fuck things up.

"Oh, please don't take my life...I've got three lovely children-if you must, oh, take my wi-ife..." Jen was now presiding over two frying pans. The smells wafting from them were as mouthwatering as the chef.

"Where'd you learn how to cook?" Jared asked, pretending casual interest when in fact he was tormented by curiousity. Jen was a private person, but in a mellow mood like this one, Jared had learned, he could be persuaded to open up under the guise of idle conversation. At the first hint of interrogation, however, all Jared would get was an absent shrug and a zipped lip.

"Hmm? Took lessons," Jensen murmured, most of his attention still focused on the stove.

"Huh." Jared made a kissing sound to summon Harley, scratching his ears and faking disinterest.

"Yeah, when I first moved to L.A., I was living with this actress that I met at a cattle call-Keeley."

"That the blond with the nipple ring?" Jared asked when he was well aware it wasn't.

"That was Karen." A pause as Jen poured crepe batter into the pan, and Jared wondered if that was all he'd get. "Keeley was before I got on Days. We were talking about maybe getting married. Keeley was a worse cook than you," he jibed with a crooked grin. "And she didn't want to learn. But when I was growing up, family meals were a big thing. I always had it in my head that when you were committed and happy, you ate at home mostly. Plus we couldn't really afford to eat out, so I took cooking lessons at the community center."

"Well, they paid off."

"Yeah, one good thing came out of it. It's a good hobby. Helps me relax." A flash of that crooked grin. "After me 'n Keeley imploded, I needed something to help me keep my cool."

"Yeah, I bet." Jared knew a big show of sympathy would only get him whapped upside the head, but he could see a lingering hurt behind the wry grin. "Bitch."

Jensen laughed. "You don't even know what she did!"

Jared pounced on that. "So she did do something, huh?"

"Dude, you gossip like a woman," Jen bitched, but then he gave in and finished the story. "She dumped me three weeks before the wedding. She was cheating on me with a fifty-two year old casting agent."

"Dude." Jared watched Jen nibble his bottom lip. "Well, you'll make somebody a good little wife someday."

Jen chucked a grape at his head, which Jared ducked. "Asshole!"

"Watching Martha Stewart while you do the ironing," he added cheerfully, taking cover behind Harley and Sadie.

Jensen shuddered. "She's the Antichrist. I watch The Barefoot Contessa."

"And I'm the woman?"

"Shut up!" But he said it with a grin. "And would you buy some food? Your cupboards are deplorably bare of anything without preservatives."

"I like preservatives. They keep me young."

"Try investing in something green. And that's leafy green, not gummi green. Your digestive system will thank you."

"Yeah, but the rest of me will go into nutritional shock."

"Well, that's a risk you'll have to take. Will you set the table already?"

"Yeah, yeah yeah."

* * *

That night they got together with Tom and Mike and Jose Cuervo, to get drunk and shoot the shit and beat the hell out of each other's cars in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. By one a.m. they were sprawled around the living room just listening to music, too trashed for anything that required hand-eye coordination.

"Let's play a game."

There were collective groans. Michael Rosenbaum could have written a book-Embarassing Drinking Games For All Occasions. And yet somehow (usually by judicious use of the word 'pussy' and plying them with tequila until they lost their common sense along with their inhibitions) he managed to talk them into it every time they drank together.

Sure enough- "Come on, you pussies!"

"All right, all right, let's hear it." Tom was the first to give in.

"It's called 'Truth.' "

Jensen groaned. "Is this a stupid slumber party game?"

"I changed it up a little," he replied with an evil grin. "The object of the game is to ask an embarassing personal question that no one wants to answer. If someone refuses to answer the question, they have to do a shot. If the question you ask is LAME, and everyone answers it, we throw things at you, and then you have to do two shots. If you answer the question, but you LIE, and we catch you, you have to do three shots, and then kiss one of Jared's dogs. With tongue."

"Dude, no tongue," Jared protested. "That's animal abuse. The SPCA will be on my ass."

"Okay, okay, no tongue," Mikey conceeded. "Because I know how much you want me to lose, I'll ask first. I'll even keep it low on the embarassment scale. Now, we all know that fangirls have very dirty minds. And we also know the thought of sex-obsessed women writing PORN is irresistable. So don't try to deny that you've read fanfic, unless you want to get up close and personal with Sadie. Now. Final Jeopardy. What homoerotic fanfiction have you read about yourself or your character? The description needs to include the basic plot and who tops."

Tom put his face in his hands and moaned. "Dude, you call that low on the embarassment scale?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm just warming up. Any volunteers for first victim?"

Tom, muttering under his breath, snagged a full shot glass from the coffee table and slammed the tequila back. "I plead the Fifth."

"Ah-HAH! Pussy, pussy, pussy!"

"I hate you," was his bleary reply.

Jared slouched down further so he could rest his head on the arm of the couch, legs comfortably sprawled apart, and rested his linked hands on his stomach, prepared to to tell a story. "It was about Sam and Dean," he began.

Rosey was practically bouncing in his seat with glee. "Big Jay! I knew I could count on you to have no shame!"

He quirked an eyebrow. "You wanna hear this or not?" Mikey settled. "All right, then. Don't remember the title, but it was about Sam and Dean going to Vegas to hunt some evil thing in one of the big hotels on the Strip. They went out an' got really drunk, Sam sang karaoke, an' then he hit on Dean. Dean topped." He offered his audience a bemused, unfocused smile. "See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

"I need to wash my brain," Tom muttered.

"Come on now, Jenny. Your turn!"

Jensen gravely contemplated the shot in front of him like it held the secrets of the universe. Finally he leaned forward, picked it up, and slammed it back.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Rosey moaned. "Fine, Jared, since you're the only one who DOESN'T SUCK, you get to ask the next question."

"All right then." He thought for a moment. "When reading said piece of fanfiction about yourself or your character-and like Mike said, no use denyin' it cause we've all got curious at one point-did it getcha hot and bothered?" he drawled, voice thick with Texas and wicked amusement.

"See, now that's a question!" Mike crowed. "All right, then. To prove I'm not a pussy-I was hard as a rock."

"I really think I'll puke if I have another shot," Tom admitted, "so yeah. I got a little riled."

Jen was still brooding, boring holes in the coffee table with his gaze. Finally he said in a vaguely disgusted tone, "What the hell, we're all perverts here.  Apparently. Yeah, it got me het up."

"Dude. What crawled up your ass and died?" Mike wanted to know.

Tom sniggered. "Maybe it didn't die."

"Why don' you shut up 'fore I shut you up?" Jared slurred. "Jen, you pick the next question."

Jensen glanced up and nodded his thanks. One he asked was one he wouldn't have to answer. " 'M thinking."

"Hold up a minute here," Mikey drawled. "We all answered your question, Jayboy. Two shots."

"Aw, shit. I'mma be drivin' a porcelain bus by the end of the night," he moaned, then obligingly punished his liver.

"All right, then," Jen said at last. "Describe a time you've been caught having sex in a public place-"

"LAME!" Mike loudly decreed.

"Wtih someone other than whoever you were dating at the time," he finished.

"Okay, better," was the grudging admission.

"Why don't you go first then, Rosey?" Jensen sugested.

To everyone's immense shock, his ears reddened. "Pass," he said, reaching for the tequila.

"I love when the powerful are brought low," Tom enthused. "I'll answer this one. It was at a post-season blowout I threw a couple of years ago. Jamie caught me blowing a guy in the upstairs bathroom."

Mike made a choking sound, his eyes bugging out.

Greatly enjoying his friend's shock, Tom continued cheerily, "I was just returning the favor."

"And Jamie got over that?" Jared demanded.

Tom nodded. "Said it was kinda hot, and if I was gay, we were getting a divorce, and if I wasn't, I better not cheat on her again or she'd rip my balls off."

Jensen winced in sympathy. "Jesus. That was a lucky escape."

"Tellin' me," he agreed.

"All right, next victim." Jensen looked at Jared.

He flushed. "Come on, y'all, I don't-"

"You lie, we'll think of something worse than kissing your dogs," Tom warned, then wrinkled his nose. "You probably do that anyway."

"All right, all right. Was gonna say I don' cheat, but I guess if y'all consider it sex 'long as somebody comes, this counts. Was at this party me n' Jeff threw when our parents were outta town. Jeff was back from college for the holidays, and I was maybe fifteen or sixteen. Anyway. One of Jeff's friend's girlfriends...her name was Mindy, and she cornered me in the kitchen." He flushed. "Let's say Jeff caught me with my pants down."

"And her lips around your dick?" Mike prompted.

"Ah-huh." He shrugged, looking sheepish. "Jeff told me I better keep my hands to myself in the future 'less I wanted my fingers broken. I got a look at Mindy's boyfriend and figured that was good advice. Been kinda leery ever since-seems like I always get caught whenever I set a toe outta line."

"That's your own fault, Paddywhack," Rosey assured him. "Don't wanna get caught, gotta stop acting guilty."

"There must be a flaw in that logic ointment somewhere," Jared said after he'd pondered that for a moment. "But damned if I can find it."

"That's because you're drunk!" Tom declared triumphantly.

"So're you."

"Point," he replied gravely.  "I think it's time for bed."

"What bed, Tommy?" Jen wanted to know.  "This is a two bedroom house with two people livin' in it.  Your drunk ass is sleeping on the couch, 'less you want to cab it all the way back to East Van."

"This place is freaking huge, Jenny," Mike complained.  "You seriously only got two bedrooms?"

"Well, four, but the other two don' have any beds in 'em," Jared replied in the interests of accuracy.  "So your drunk ass is sleeping on the couch too."

Tom and Mike looked at each other, then at the couch, which, while oversized in order to accomodate two dogs and their six-four owner, was nowhere near big enough for the two of them to sleep on comfortably.  "Nuh-uh," Tom said.  "Pukey McGee can have the couch.  I'm sleeping somewhere else."

Finally, after much arguing, stumbling, and insults, and a little blackmail, Tom scored Jensen's bed for the night, leaving Jen, Jared, Harley and Sadie to crowd into Jared's custom-made bed.  Jensen hadn't thought they made anything bigger than a California King, but the sleigh bed was an acre of blankets over one of those sinful space-age memory foam mattresses that cost a small fortune.  Jensen was asleep in moments-Jared stayed awake long enough to be thankful he was too drunk to get overly freaked about the fact that Jen had stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed.

* * * 

When Jensen woke up, for once he was grateful for Jared's innate ability to drink like a fish, make a complete ass of himself, and bounce out of bed the next morning without so much as a wince.  It meant that even though it was only half-past-yawn in the morning, there was a Padalecki-shaped dent in the bedding, and Jared and his furry kids were AWOL, probably having gone for a run.  Jen was spared the embarassment of a 'morning after,' and he made his escape, creeping stealthily into his own room past a passed-out Tom for clean clothes before retreating to the bathroom. 

He felt weird for not feeling weirder about it. There had been something very comfortable and-God help him-natural-about curling up with Jared and the dogs. It had felt like the extension of hundreds of nights on the couch unwinding at the end of a fifteen-hour day, of breakfasts with bedhead and sleepy grunts and good-natured bickering over who got the last cup of coffee in the pot. Home had very little to do with the house and a lot to do with the other person who lived there.   That thought inspired his brain to swerve toward the corner where the ice cream memory lived, and Jensen dragged it back with considerable effort and no small amount of panic. 

He wasn't gay.  Was he? Maybe he was, and it was just that his middle-class suburban repression was wearing off, but he'd never looked at broad shoulders and callused palms and a hard and prickly angle of jaw and thought, want that, before Jared cannonballed into his life. 

He decided he needed some space.  Not in-the-other-room kind of space.  That wasn't going to cut it.  Maybe a continent or two. 

You're going to spaz out over a drunken nap and a little sexual curiousity? the acerbic voice of his conscience inquired.  Because Jared wouldn't take that badly at all.  

Jen slumped against the tile, the water from the showerhead beating down on his shoulders.  Because Jare would take it badly.  He'd take it personally, too, no matter how many times Jen denied that it had anything to do with him. Which meant he just needed to suck it up and get out of his own way. It wasn't like Jared was going to read his mind and flip out. Thoughts couldn't be helped, and it was what he did about them that mattered. 

* * *

 Jensen couldn't sleep.  Finally, he rolled out of bed and shoved his feet into a pair of rubber shoes, groping the pile of clothing on the easy chair as he searched for a long-sleeved shirt, not wanting to turn on the light.  Sadie was well-used to his midnight rambles and stirred without complaint, padding down the hall to Jared's room, where she nosed Harley awake.  Both dogs waited patiently at the top of the stairs while Jensen grabbed his keys and a pack of cigarettes, then followed him out the front door.

It was edging toward three a.m., so Jen didn't bother with leashes.  They trailed obediently at his heels as he started off down the alley at the back gate, tags jingling in the late-night hush.  The weather had gone from ridiculously hot to chilly in a matter of hours, and the heavy fog gave Jen the feeling of being the only person left in the city.  

He lit up halfway down the block, savoring the buzzy pleasure of nicotine snaking through his veins before he exhaled in a plume of dragon-vapor.  He did a few rough calculations and determined that he was less than halfway through the pack he'd bought almost a month ago.  He'd smoked on and off since high school, the recipient of good-natured cursing from Chris because he was too stubborn to have become addicted in the years since.  He only really craved them when he was drunk or couldn't sleep, and when he'd noticed Jared's silent disapproval, he'd kept it it that way.

Dew beaded in his hair and he felt his thoughts slow.  He absorbed the desolate peace of the night, focused on the flare of the tip of each drag and the rhythmic smack of paws and shoes on pavement until he wasn't thinking at all.  He hummed along with his mental soundtrack's current selection-Radiohead-and felt his bones sink into the sweet release of tension that signalled sleep.  He returned to the house, soothed by the routine of locking up, stripping down, and climbing under the covers, and sprawled facedown in his pillows with both dogs curled at his feet.

* * *

Jared blinked against the blackness, straining to hear the sound of crunching gravel under Jen's feet.  He'd never been a light sleeper before, but the first time Sadie had come in to fetch Harley and Jen had slipped out of the house, returning an hour later with heavier steps and a weary sigh, he'd snapped out of dreams and been unable to sleep until he returned.

He didn't know why he pretended to sleep through Jen's midnight walks-maybe because he sensed that Jen needed the headspace of being alone in a city where everyone else was sleeping, that company would defeat the purpose.

Or maybe because, as much as he wanted to know all of Jen's secrets, he was a little afraid to find out what haunted him so badly that it drove him out to walk the restless streets in the dark, silent and alone.

* * *

Comments

[sarahk-63.livejournal.com]

this is a fun fic, how do i keep track of your posts?

(sorry am officially brain dead today)...could you please give destructions?

[ymmy12.livejournal.com]

yeah
so glad to see this updated
i love the confusion on both parts, and of course jared being more pragmatic

more please and soon

[ohioala19.livejournal.com]

this is really good, i cant wait for more, our boys like each other, and jared should so make the first move!

[readerj.livejournal.com]

Another great update. I really look forward to each new chapter.

[timdvosk.livejournal.com]

God, I love this story. It's go frickin' good. I WANT/NEED more. Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. *grabby hands* Puh-Leeze. *waits*

[veleda03.livejournal.com]

this is definetly getting good.... can't wait for more.... :-)

[(Anonymous)]

Oh squee late night walks are wonderful. As Jared drinking like a fish is really awesome - so often he gets to be a light weight for no bloody reason.

[kuhekabir.livejournal.com]

I loved the fan girl bit...really, that was great. Got a little bit sad in the end...thank you.

[anakin415.livejournal.com]

whoooooo so happy to see this update !!!

a tortured!Jensen is love

[noiselessmind.livejournal.com]

oh!!! A new chapter!!!! I love you!!! *huggles* :D

I really love this verse/story/fic !!! :D

[9thof9.livejournal.com]

Guh, about the drinking game.

The rest, especially the end, was really really deep. It made me think, darn it.

[shelgrainger2.livejournal.com]

A great update, looking forwaed to another one soon. This is a good story. Loved Jensen cooking and the fact that Jared is in love with him!

[taintedangel80.livejournal.com]

I am going through and re-reading this. I notice there haven't been any updates in a while. Will there ever be? *hopes*

[mass-hipgnosis.livejournal.com]

yes, there will be 2 updates, as a matter of fact, as soon as I finish writing them. i got distracted by the shiny S2 DVD, and now I am moving, and...well, excuses excuses but I promise to update soon!

[lunadragonx.livejournal.com]

Any chance of a new chapter anytime soon? This is brilliant and I need more!

Pretty please? :)

[mass-hipgnosis.livejournal.com]

I am seriously TRYING. But this fic is like fucking with me or something, I SWEAR TO GOD. Not to mention my computer burped and ate half of chapter 5. *sighs* But yeh, working on it. Of course, I said that a month ago...